personal narrative

I looked at Ashanti's paper. She was writing in a personal essay format. She was writing about the experiences she had in her car throughout high school. I think how she told how she grew up in that car all throughout high school really works in this paper. I think the last paragraph could have been more focused on the car as opposed to the party but i do see how the party is a very necessary aspect to that story. I really liked the imagery she used describing her car. I though I can use the imagery she used to help me try and be more descriptive in my paper. The biggest feedback I have is correct those little spelling mistakes and get your quotes formatted right and it will be looking good.

I also looked at Jade's paper. She was writing in personal narrative. She was very descriptive in her description of the wall ball room and the emotions she went through in there. Her whole paper really flowed and was pretty emotional. I would like to stress to just continue with the story and have a killer title.